It's all about multi-tasking...honest.
I'm still resting my injured hip. The lack of exercise is really starting to get to me. It is affecting my energy levels and my ability to sleep. On top of that, there is just the frustration of not being able to get around as easily.
I'mgoing to do my best not to let it get to me too much.
However, I'm not sure how good a job I've been doing of this so far. Earlier in the week I was in a bit of a mixed state- a bit hyper and over communicative one day (or being a text pest as it is otherwise known) and then surly and uncommunicative by the weekend.
Having a bit of a cold has not really helped, so I had a right good wallow on Sunday and spent almost the entire day asleep in various locations around the house. I wasn't an entirely wasted day as I did sleep through the omnibuses of several soaps, thus allowing me to practise my regional accents whilst semi-conscious. It's all about multi-tasking, honest.
If I say that exercising helps keep my mental state level and I believe it to be so, then it leaves me in a bit of a quandary when I can't get any exercise as according to my own assertions this will make me unstable. I don't think it would be right to fib and say I'm fine I'm always fine because I'm just great at coping with everything but on the other hand it doesn't help my mood to go on about being miserable. Because I am bi-polar, some mood swings are inevitable and they are largely chemical not circumstantial, just like catching the odd cold.
It's inevitable, so is there any point in fighting it? Well...yes...is the short answer. Okay so things just got a bit tougher but I have to keep reminding myself that giving in and focussing on the negative aspects of life really isn't going to make me get through this any better, in the same way that sitting in wet clothing doesn't help to get over a cold.
So, I'm going to admit, I've been brighter and cheerier, after a brief blip of feeling a bit hyper, but I'm now suffering an increase in the symptoms of depression, a greatly increased desire to self-harm, my jaw is clicking and I'm suffering a lack of energy and enthusiasm.
However, I going to try and stop being overly maudlin, try not to speak in a quiet miserable voice and at the very least try not to show it off to those around me. Apart from Sunday, when I really could not be bothered with anyone, I've been doing not to bad in social situations. When I think about going out to meet people, I can't really be all that bothered, but once I am there I'm managing to carry on a relatively normal conversation even crack the odd smile.
Week commencing 13/02/06
Medication: A few cups of roman chamomile.
Exercise: 0.5 hrs
Alcohol: 8
Anxiety: Moderate Anxiety
Level (0-10): 1.5
Number of Panic Attacks: 0
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5): 0
Depression: Definitely heading into a dip towards the end of the week. Depression Level (0-5):3
Mania: Some days of feeling a bit hyper.
Mania Level (0-5): 2
Summary
It could be the time of year, it could be the lack of exercise or a combination of factors but I appear to be in a bit of a mixed state. I was quite hyper earlier in the week and then increasingly down towards the end of the week. However, surprisingly, I have had no panic attacks at all.
