I'm sleeping a lot, but not all that well.
The lack of exercise is causing me to get flabby and soft. Sometimes I think that worries me more than the thought of losing the plot.
However, although my hip isn't actually right, it is getting better.
I'm sleeping a lot, nearly all day on Sunday, but not all that well. I don't really need to be sleeping nearly as much as I am.
I'm having weird dreams. I go through phases of having very vivid dreams, sometimes so realistic I start thinking they are real. This doesn't mean I'm delusional and that I think there really are clowns hiding in my house taunting me with their big yellow pompons (as in the nightmare I had earlier in the week). It's the more mundane dreams that get muddled with memories: Dreams about buying toothpaste and then I can't understand why I don't have any or having an argument with a friend and being cross with them next time I see them.
I have to make a real effort to remember my dreams when I wake up in the morning so I can separate the conversations I have really had from the ones that I only dreamt about.
I talk in my sleep too but that is no surprise as I pretty much talk all the time.
When I was little, I used to have pretty bad nightmares. These came back when I was a teenager and I often used to scream the house down in my sleep. Then I'd try to stay awake for as long as possible. This was part of the reason why I used to drink quite heavily as it made me dream less.
I've gone through phases of having really bad nightmares on and off since then, usually when I'm not feeling very well, either physically or mentally. At least, after several years of having to be woken up because of it, I have stopped screaming and fighting in my sleep!
I have no idea how the disturbed sleep relates to being bi-polar, if at all. I did have nightmares when I was on seroxat, but although some people suffer from that as a side effect, I think in my case it may well have been coincidental. As I said, this has been a long term thing. However, some substances, such as the guarana found in a lot of energy drinks, definitely do make me more prone to nighttime panic. I've had no energy drinks lately, though - not even any caffeine for at least several weeks. I think the disturbed sleep is probably lack of exercise too.
Although I have had a few very anxious mornings I've not had any actual panic attacks.
My concentration is not too bad this week and I've managed to come up with some solutions to technical problems at work about which I am reasonably pleased.
I do miss exercise, but it is not the only thing I enjoy, so I have been spending a bit more time cooking, which I find quite relaxing. I've produced some fairly nice meals and a trail of pans with stuff burnt onto them: my concentration is better but I'm still managing to occasionally cremate things.
Week commencing 27/02/06
Medication: 5 mg valium, roman chamomile
Exercise: 1.5 hrs
Alcohol: 8
Anxiety: Still waking up very anxious in the mornings and having disturbing dreams.
Anxiety Level (0-10): 2
Number of Panic Attacks: 0
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5): 0
Depression: Slight improvement on last week.
Depression Level (0-5): 2.5
Mania: Not really having the same random enthusiasms and spurts of energy as last week.
Mania Level (0-5): 1
Summary
A fairly uneventful week. Still missing exercise and not sleeping that well but by no means approaching crisis.
