I'm not a believer in the 'If you have something to say, say it to their face' school of thought.
It turns out I am mostly a conflict avoider. However, I will attempt bargaining and in close familial situations may just go for a full on conquest approach. I have been reading my book on conflict resolution: "The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution: Preserving Relationships at Work, at Home and in the Community" (D Weeks). As self help books go, I have to say it's not too bad at all. It begins with identifying your attitude to conflict and how you approach a conflict.
Generally, I am, in my totally unbiased opinion, relatively liberal and easy going about differences of opinion as long as those opinions are mostly theoretical. I like a good debate and approach them with some glee. I was brought up in a very political household, so debates over the dinner table were the norm.
So, I'm pretty unlikely to have a falling out with someone because they believe that National Service would be a good thing (although I have noted that none of the people I know who do believe this ever actually volunteered for any military training themselves) or because someone doesn't believe that there is some resemblance between a grey Volkswagen Beetle and an elephant (clearly there is, they both have a trunk).
Whilst I might feel quite passionately about animal cruelty, ID cards or Iraq, it is still mostly theoretical. Practical arguments, one in which I or people I am close to, have a stake are another matter. I really don't like them. People do fall out.
Any discussion that is likely to cause a falling out is likely to make me panic. In the aftermath I just go over things endlessly in my head and feeling guilty and paranoid. So pretty much I'll do anything to avoid them. I will put up with a fair bit in work or collaborative situations so as to avoid a full on conflict.
I'm not a believer in the "If you have something to say, say it to their face" school of thought. I'm more of a "If you have something to say, keep it to yourself and by next week it probably won't seem worth mentioning". Either that or talk it over with someone else. I know a lot of people see this as 'bitching' but often I do it in the hope that the third party will point out to you if you are being totally unreasonable. Sometimes even saying something to someone else makes you realise how trivial it is in the grand scheme of things. Or at the very least they might give you a suggestion for the best way of dealing with the problem.
However, I'm not a saint, if something is genuinely bugging me and it doesn't get addressed because I'm avoiding it, it doesn't always stop bugging me. Eventually I will either start avoiding the person or persons involved in the conflict or else I'll explode. The exploding thing is bad, as, although it is rare that I fall out with people, when I do it takes a long time to fall back in.
Arguments with family are different. As I mentioned before I am a tad volatile. Just how volatile varies with my mood swings. You can get out of most situations with colleagues and friends by ducking out, but because of the nearness of your dearest you can't always escape them when you need to go and fizz quietly in a corner.
My family have always had fairly blazing rows on and off but because we know we all love each other and it will blow over eventually, we don't tend to get too stressed out about them. The same goes for most relationship, arguments are more likely but hopefully, they can be sorted out. The unfortunate side of this is that arguments in this context tend to get much more adversarial. The thing about winning an argument, even if you are right, is that it doesn't always make you feel better, as in order to win someone else has to lose and if you have to get on with them later this isn't a necessarily a good thing.
So, I'm hoping, now I've identified my conflict type(s), I'll get some hints about dealing with them better. It would be nice to be able to sort out the things that really matter without having to have a bust up of any kind and without having to quietly seethe in the corner. It would be much healthier too as it would save me a great deal of guilt, stress and paranoia.
Week commencing 24/04/06
Medication: Roman chamomile.
Exercise: 6 hours
Alcohol: 12
Anxiety: Still a bit anxious.
Anxiety Level (0-10): 3
Number of Panic Attacks: 0
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5): 0
Depression: Picking up a bit again.
Depression Level (0-5): 1.5
Mania: Possibly getting a bit manic towards the end of the week. If I have a lot of stuff to organise things often start going a bit fast in my head.
Mania Level (0-5): 1.5
Summary
Slightly anxious but not having full on panic attacks. Possibly a bit much going on in my head at times. Increase in intrusive thoughts about self harm.
