I’m caught in the middle of a small storm of mood swings

This week I’ve been making jam and candles, I’m sanding and filling my bathroom walls, demolishing a fireplace and I’ve got three paintings on the go as well as working, going to the beach, running, goingswimming at the pool, yoga and playing minesweeper until my head explodes, usually whilst talking on the phone.

This might just seem like a busy, creative week but, really, it’s a bit too frenetic.

I’m caught in the middle of a small storm of mood swings.

I get a sudden burst of energy to get stuff done. I can’t even settle to doing one thing at a time. Lots of projects get started in little waves of hypomania, then the tide turns and my DIY is left high and dry when I go back into a depression. That is why I have a house full of half painted walls, half demolished bits, half built bits, bits of stuff I collected to build other things and tools acquired to do jobs that never get done. I do have some lovely candles and some tasty jam though.

I have found that owning tools is much the same as owning books, just because I have a book that says “How to write JavaScript” doesn’t miraculously make me a webmaster and, sadly, owning a full set of plastering tools doesn’t actually the plaster walls.

Buying things you don’t actually need is also sometimes a symptom of being manic depressive. I’m going to have to enforce an eBay ban until Christmas - although USB vacuum cleaners are fantastic and I did actually need a cycle carrier...kind of. The delivery I received today, however, just sparked off my paranoia again. Clearly, people have been slagging off my dancing again as my trainers are both left feet.

Between demolishing, jamming and the waxing and waning of candle manufacture, I’ve been alternating between phoning and emailing people and randomly bursting into tears and being despondent.

What goes up must also come down: although, hopefully, this will not apply to all my DIY.

Week commencing 14/08/06

Medication: Plenty or Roman Chamomile. 5 mg Valium.
Exercise: 2.5 hrs
Alcohol: 8
Anxiety: Generally a bit tense.
Anxiety Level (0-10): 2.5
Number of Panic Attacks: 0
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5): 0
Depression: All over the shop this week.
Depression Level (0-5): 3.5
Mania: All over the place.
Mania Level (0-5): 3

Summary

Not having the best of times. I am mostly a bit too up but swinging into some real lows as well