'let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..'

The Indian summer is well and truly over and the season has finally caught up with me. Still I have postponed my November blues until December so that is a much longer respite than most years.

I’ve been feeling really quite flat lately and the persistent urges to self harm are back. Then again, this only highlights how good the last few months were as the urges had almost gone completely and that is very rare. I am also feeling pretty fat and unfit and I could really do with just one proper nights sleep instead of waking up roughly every twenty minutes.

I’m reasonably optimistic that I can turn this mood around or at the very least stop it getting any worse by being more diligent in my exercise routine and by making sure I get out for some fresh air. I now have a Nordic ski exerciser set up in my living room, along with my Swiss ball, exercise mat and weights, so I will hopefully be getting myself nicely toned up before the excesses of the all the Christmas festivities.

I also have a proper set of Nordic skis so once it snows I’ll be able to get out and cross country ski for real. Cross country skis are great because you can get out into the back of beyond when it is snowing and they allow you to move almost silently so you sneak up on wildlife whilst pretending you are in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Exercise equipment is one of those things that it is easy to buy with the intention of reinventing yourself with the stamina of Paula Radcliff and the dress size of Victoria Beckham and then find that two weeks of doing exactly the same movement for 2 hours of every day isn’t all that much fun and you’re quite happy to have the figure of Homer Simpson and a bit more room back in your living room.

Indeed, it isn’t actually good to do the same exercise for months and months on end anyway.

People do still tend to buy equipment though and then tend to want to get rid of it once they have got bored of using it to hang clothes on and of barking their shins on it several dozen times a day. So there are plenty of bargains to pick up in the for sale ads or on groups such as Freecycle (check the internet for your nearest group especially before you go and bin something that someone else could use).

I got my Nordic ski trainer for free from one group and once I have had enough skiing and decide to do something else, I will pass it on to someone else and go looking to rehome another piece of unloved cardiovascular gear.

In the meantime I shall be skiing across my living room humming “let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” so I can get out and see if I can sneak up on Mr Tumnus.

Week commencing 04/12/06

Medication: Started back on the roman chamomile tea.
Exercise: 4
Alcohol: 9
Anxiety: increasing
Anxiety Level (0-10): 3
Number of Panic Attacks: 1
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5): 2 – mild but prolonged anxiety.
Depression: Starting to take a bit of a dip, almost certainly due to lack of exercise
Depression Level (0-5): 3
Mania: Fine
Mania Level (0-5): 0

Summary

I now have some exercise equipment and will have to get on with using it. The lack of exercise and increased stress at home and at work is definitely starting to get to me. I’ve been feeling really quite down some of the time.