A couple of fairly bad panic attacks this week

I’ve had panic attacks since I was 14, possibly even before that. Before I knew what they were, they were terrifying. Once I realised what they were, it helped a lot but I still took a long time to get some control over them.

The severity of my panic attacks has decreased over the years. With experience, I’ve learned a few things that help to stop them getting totally out of control.

Firstly: don’t hyperventilate.

Hyperventilating makes you feel as if you are suffocating (the carbon dioxide level in your blood drops because you have breathed too much of it out and, as it is carbon dioxide levels that control your breathing, your body takes this as a signal that you are suffocating) so you breathe more, you lose more carbon dioxide and you get trapped in a little feedback loop. Eventually, if you don’t stop you will pass out, at which point at least you stop panicking.

The recommended trick to top up your C02 levels is to breath into a paper bag. I never find that I have a paper bag to hand at a moment of panic, so I just hold my breath for a few seconds and then force myself to breathe slowly but not too deeply. It takes a conscious effort to fight your instincts but it does work. Once I realised that it was the hyperventilating that is making me feel dizzy and disoriented and that I can actually stop doing it, it did help.

Secondly: Find a distraction

These days, most attacks just involve feeling very uneasy and most of the time, I can keep them to myself and just brazen it out. I try to think about other things. Finding distractions helps. These are my personal favourites:

  • reading books, or anything else that is handy, after years of hiding in bathrooms panicking, I know the basic ingredients of shampoo and shower gel off by heart;
  • categorising things alphabetically e.g. all the countries beginning with A (an entirely portable distraction and also a very handy transferable skill for playing Scattergories); and
  • listening to the radio, although only if the presenters are speaking.

Basically, anything that breaks up the thoughts going on my head, as once I get an idea in my head I’m very poor at putting it to the back of my mind and will worry at it like a sore tooth.

Thirdly: Don’t lie in bed awake.

However, the one thing I cannot do is get rid of them altogether.

Even trying to write about panic attacks just now is increasing my anxiety.

The main problem I still have with panic attacks is being sick. If I become too stressed, I will inevitably be sick.

I was sick on my driving test. I was sick on a security guard in the airport once. Being sick in public is horrible, and it was this fear of being sick in public that used to make me avoid going places.

As yet, I haven’t found a way to stop myself from being sick other than trying not to let the panic escalate too much. This week I’ve been sick from panic once. In a really bad week, it might happen 3 or 4 times. At some points in the past, it has been as often as 2 or 3 times a day for a couple of weeks at a time.

I have two states of panic: acute panic where I suddenly become very panicked and will be sick and a general state of anxiety where I just feel nervous all day, or for several days - this usually mean I can’t eat much or concentrate very well but, otherwise, it’s not that noticeable to those around me.

This week I had what were, by my current standards, a couple of fairly bad panic attacks. Not as out of control as they used to be, but the worst I’ve had for a while. The most severe of them was precipitated by a big drunken argument of the type that couples are prone to having when they get a bit ‘tired and emotional’.

I’m not great in a confrontation. Unless I am so furious that I don’t have time to think about it, I generally get overwhelmed and start freaking out. I coped okay with the actual argument. The panic attack didn’t actually happen until after I’d gone to sleep. I woke up feeling short of breath and panicked myself into a state of throwing up in under two minutes.

These days it is usually first thing in the morning or in the middle of the night if I am going to have a bad panic attack. I think because the level of panic has already risen to a point where it is difficult to control whilst I am still sleeping.

The thing about panic attacks that still surprises me is how exhausting they are. You can be in a state of agitation, unable to sit still or relax often on the verge of a full blown panic attack for hours and then suddenly just fall asleep.

Week commencing 02/01/06

Medication: A lot of roman chamomile.
Exercise: 6 hrs
Alcohol: One big night out - which I paid for! 10 units
Anxiety: A fairly anxious week
Anxiety Level (0-10): 5
Number of Panic Attacks: 4
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5): 3
Depression: A bit variable
Depression Level (0-5): 2
Mania: Not very manic.
Mania Level (0-5): 1

Summary

I had a couple of fairly bad panic attacks this week, partly brought on by hangovers and just a generally stressful week. Things are beginning to look up a bit now I’m back to my lightbox and into a more familiar routine.