Are we nearly there yet?

I have always had some concerns about having children. Will I make a fit mother? How will my mental health problems affect my children? Will my children also have mental health problems? And, of most immediate relevance, will I suffer from post-natal depression?

Sufferers from bipolar disorder are at greater risk from post-natal depression. For this reason, there are measures in place to try and support expectant mothers with mental health issues. I have been referred to the Perinatal Mental Health Unit for a check up and to make plans for future care, should it be required. I’ll let you know how I get on once I have been to see them.

However, I am in a very fortunate position compared to many expectant mothers. I may have no idea what kind of mother I will make nor how I will cope with childbirth and becoming a parent but at least I do have an insight into my partner’s parenting skills.

He already has two children from a previous relationship. I have the privilege of spending a reasonable amount of time with them, most recently on holiday
in England.

They really are surprisingly good natured, putting up with hours or being stuck in a car (greatly extended due to the recent flooding) with very little complaint or carry on. A far cry from holidays I recall with my family where my sister and I used to squabble constantly, even pulling out each other’s hair strand by strand if it strayed into the wrong half of the back seat.

OK, so even they, like all other kids, do ask the inevitable “Are we nearly there yet?” question at sometimes too regular intervals but nonetheless they are a vast improvement on my sister and me at that age and on many of the kids I looked after when I worked in childcare.

So how much of this is down to my partner and their mother (nurture) and how much is just luck (nature)?

It’s pretty hard to tell really. As a kid, I was just a wee rascal by nature as far as I can tell. My parents, like all parents, weren’t perfect but they tried very hard and I enjoyed most of my childhood but I was just inclined to be a bit headstrong and a bit difficult as well as an extremely accomplished escapologist into the bargain. I was much worse than my sister, who was angelic by comparison: So some of it must just be nature.

My mum has often said to me that if my kids turn out like me, then I’ll know what she had to put up with.

I don’t think my partner was the easiest kid either. However, what I can say is that he is a very good father to his kids: loving without being smothering, encouraging without being pushy, caring without being over anxious and firm without being too strict. Most of all he is good fun with them.

I also know that small babies love him. My niece, who is 10 weeks old finds him very entertaining and it is lovely just watching them together.

He’s not perfect but he is a very good dad. So I can only hope that I make at least half as good a mum and that our kids turn out more like their siblings than like either of us as children.

Fortnight commencing 30/07/07

Medication: none
Exercise: 8 hours
Alcohol: 4 units (over 2 weeks- I found somewhere that sells sweetheart stout- full of iron of course!)
Anxiety: moderate
Anxiety Level (0-10): 3
Number of Panic Attacks: 0
Severity of Panic Attack (0-5):NA
Depression: There have been a few blue moments, mostly brought on by tiredness (it’s very difficult to sleep with the bump taking up half the bed) and by domestic stress- there is so much to organise. Any low mood is short lived however, so this score represents the lowest point rather than the average.
Depression Level (0-5): 2.5
Mania: Not much to report, although I will have to watch this with the lack of sleep.
Mania Level (0-5): 1

Summary

Still keeping fairly well. I managed to get more exercise while we were away on holiday and although the travel was very tiring it was nice to get away from work and worrying about my flat and DIY for a week.