Tom
I am a sixty year old male and I am a self employed training consultant specialising in personal development and managing change. I live in a nice part of Scotland with my wife and have two wonderful daughters and a gorgeous granddaughter. I lead a very active life and enjoy my work and leisure time.
My first experience of depression occurred about twenty years ago. I had just come through a very busy period at work whilst also completing an Open University degree. Thinking back I had lots of the classic symptoms of depression but at the time I had no idea what was happening to me. After several weeks of trying to deal with the symptoms I went to my doctor who was very understanding and explained that I was suffering from depression. She prescribed antidepressants and suggested that I take some time off work to recuperate. I declined her offer on the basis that I didn’t want anyone to know I was suffering from depression and also because I was determined to work through it.
To begin with the side effects of the medication were as difficult to cope with as the symptoms of depression. I felt drowsy, nauseated, couldn’t concentrate and was tired all the time. The first few weeks were really difficult because the antidepressants hadn’t yet taken effect and I was suffering the side effects. Thankfully the medication began to help after about a month and I no longer felt the utter despair I had been feeling previously.
was determined to stop taking the anti-depressants as soon as possible because in my mind I “shouldn’t need medication to feel better”. For the next two years I had this constant battle between taking the medication and feeling well enough to cope with things, and then stopping taking the medication and lapsing back into depression. During this period I had a very strong fear that at some point everything was going to fall apart and I would no longer be able to function. I never at any stage contemplated suicide but there were times when I went to sleep at night and felt it would be such a relief not to waken in the morning. I still don’t know what got me through this period other than a very patient and understanding wife and a determination that I wasn’t going to lose everything I had worked for.
At some point I began to realise that if I wasn’t able to get beyond treating the symptoms I could end up in a constant cycle of depression with short spells where I could function without medication. I then began to look in more depth at the causes of depression and the various treatments available. This was the beginning of my recovery journey as for the first time I began to explore the factors in my life that might have led to my depression. Some of this was done on my own and some of it was done with the help of health professionals and therapists.
Over the following ten years I had long spells without depression and a couple of bouts which were brought on by pressure at work. By this time, however, I was much more aware of the symptoms beginning to develop and was able to deal with them before they became too serious. The other thing that helped was the use of cognitive behavioural therapy to change the negative thinking patterns I had used for years.
During the past six or seven years I have become much better at recognising the things that have a negative impact on my mental health such as stress and work pressure. I am also much more aware of the things I can do to maintain positive mental health including socialising, exercise and relaxation. The other thing that has helped a great deal is working with people who have been affected by mental illness. For the past five years I have been involved in supporting people with mental health issues and my own experience has helped me to understand and help them through difficult times.
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